When Ryan Seacrest said Wednesday’s edition of “American Idol” was going to have a big surprise, I didn’t think it was going to be as lame as one of those “Amazing Race” gimmicks.

Letting all the contestants stay? Puhleeeze. Even though it was big fundraiser night (though I’m still not sure who’s getting the money), they coulda dumped someone. Waiting one more week and adding this week’s scores smacks of “Dancing With the Stars.”

What next? A rose ceremony so “Idol” can sample all the reality gimmicks?

Even though Rosie O’Donnell announced she was leaving “The View,” it’s a safe bet she’s not going too far. After all, she boosted the flagging talk show’s ratings, gave it new life and attracted plenty of attention. No matter how many Donald Trumps rail against her, network heads will pay attention.

As a result? I bet she’s going to get another show.

Among the possibilities? A “Nip/Tuck” spin-off (which was talked about before she took the ABC job), another talk show or, GET THIS, a game show — like “The Price is Right.” Rosie has always talked about hosting a game show. Bob Barker’s leaving. The timing is right.

Don’t be surprised if you hear a big announcement in two or three weeks. Then, too, the networks are setting their fall schedules. A Rosie show might be a network cornerstone.

For me, that is. Usually, my Christmas card features me with somebody I’ve interviewed during the year. Often, the decision comes down to the last minute. Occasionally (as in the year I was with Paris Hilton), it’s a no-brainer.
This year, I got a jump on the situation when I happened to mention to Naomi Judd that her daughter Wynonna was the Card subject several years ago. “Well, get your Santa hat and let’s take a picture when I’m in town,” she said. I was told there may not be enough time for me to see Naomi when she was here for the Power Luncheon, so I all but abandoned the idea. Then, Thursday afternoon, I got a call — “Naomi’s looking for you.” I didn’t have the hat, but I grabbed two Christmas decorations from Lynn Zerschling’s office tree and headed to the Convention Center. There, Naomi put the ornaments in her ears (no kidding) and showed me her hand — she had written my name on her palm so that she wouldn’t forget. We got several shots…and I think I got this year’s card. What do you think? Note the hand.

It’s too bad Sanjaya didn’t get to sing “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” as his last song on “American Idol.” Somehow, I’m convinced his 15 minutes of fame aren’t up. After all, he’s the teen boy equivalent of Paris Hilton — untalented, quirky, immensely watchable. If the E! channel doesn’t pick him up to do red carpet interviews, it’s missing the point. Sanjaya isn’t a singer — or an idol — he’s a personality. As the Gabor sisters, Anna Nicole and dozens of others have proven, they’re fun to make fun of. They give us a sense of superiority and, talent be damned, they command the spotlight. I can see shampoo companies signing him as their spokesperson. I can see a clothing company (Gap, perhaps) asking him to model. I see plenty in his future and none of it hinges on his ability to sing.
Is that so bad?
Ask “Idol” loser Jennifer Hudson if she minds that Oscar she got a couple of months ago.
What does that leave? Three strong women and a three guys who will probably get the boot.
Although I was a big LaKisha fan early on, I think she’s destined to star in a road company version of “Dreamgirls.” Melinda skews too old to be an “Idol,” so I’m betting Jordin will be the one to win. Even now you can see a glow about her that says “Best New Artist.” If a guy is going to make the final two, it’s going to be Chris. He’s at least different. And now that Sanjaya is gone, he may have the lock on “different.”
My only question: Who’s CD is a must-have?

About now you’re probably saying, “I’m as good as Sanjaya. I could be on ‘American Idol.’” And, no doubt, you could. But to be sure you have the “secrets,” those “Idol” folks have created Idol Camp, a training session of sorts that helps you understand the inner workings of the reality show. While Paula, Randy and Simon won’t be teaching, they will be there in spirit.

Instead, some past contestants (read: losers) will hold “master classes” (doesn’t this sound like Interlochen?). Among the faculty: Bucky Covington, Kimberly Locke, Vonzell Solomon, Jon Peter Lewis and Carmen Rasmusen (who?).

If you’re over 15, you won’t get to enroll but you should be able to audit those Sanjaya hair classes.
Interested? Go to www.idolcamp.com

Now that Larry Birkhead has been declared the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby, can we turn our attention to more urgent matters? Like:
— Whatever happened to that honeymooner who fell out of the cruise ship?
— The man who said he killed Jon Benet. Where is he?
— O.J.’s book. Who’s publishing it?
— Britney’s children. Is K-Fed watching them while she’s in rehab? Or does Lindsay Lohan come over every night?
— Who will Bobby Brown hook up with now that Whitney has cut the ties?
— Why isn’t Angelina Jolie staying at home with all those kids? And Brad?
— Are Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston still “just friends”?
— What will “Entertainment Tonight” do for copy? Or, for that matter, Nancy Grace?

The world has been put on hold for months thanks to this continuing saga. Isn’t it time we got back to the anorexic woman and the overweight man? What became of them?

I thought Don Imus would be silenced for a few weeks while he was put on suspension. Alas, he’s turning up on every talk show on television. Somehow, that doesn’t seem like suspension. It’s more of a bully pulpit.

After seeing “The Reaping” (and, trust me, you shouldn’t) I realized there are distinct rules that would save us from suffering the fate of horror film victims.

1. Never go in a dark basement alone.
2. Don’t babysit for people who haven’t paid their electric bill.
3. Don’t stay at sleazy roadside motels.
4. Lock all your doors and windows on Halloween.
5. Stay on the highway.
6. Don’t have sex at a summer camp.
7. Keep your gas tank full at all times.
8. Let your answering machine pick up unwanted calls.
9. Travel in pairs. Or, better, yet, fours.
10. Get rid of all sickles, saws and hockey masks.

Just a few musings before the Easter weekend:

1. How slippery is the slope from Best Actress to horror film? Hilary Swank stars in “The Reaping” this week. Has it come to this?
2. I love Passover. I went to a seder Monday night and ate like there was no tomorrow. Passover beats chocolate Easter bunnies any day.
3. If there’s a donkey in church every time you attend, you aren’t going often enough. My church routinely uses animals in its Christmas and Easter season services. Get the point?
4. Keep telling yourself, “Dark chocolate is really good for me.”
5. If Northwest Airlines is going to have a reservations center in town, does that mean I’ll get through quicker? Or will I still hear, “The line is busy…”?
6. Why can’t adults have “spring break”?
7. After Sunday, how long will it be before we start seeing “graduation” stuff in stores?
8. If I played the numbers from “Lost,” could I win Powerball?
9. Fact of Life: If you put your snow scraper away, it’s going to snow.
10. Fact of Life No. 2: It’s always sunny when you have to work.