Saturday night I tap danced on the Orpheum Theatre stage. Yeah, I was bad…but I knew I would be.
I grew up on a reservation. We didn’t tap dance. We went to powwows.
Still I’ve always harbored a dream that I could one day put one foot in front of the other and do it in time to music. HA! F0r the last two years I’ve taken tap dance lessons in the winter to keep from looking like Jabba the Hutt. Last year, I did the recital and vowed never again.
This year? I thought I had a good out. I had surgery in February (two organs and a hernia) and I figured there was no way I’d make it. (I was right, but I digress.) Tracy Bennett, the “adult tap class” teacher, thought I could catch up with a little help. Since Joanne Fox, my esteemed colleague and fellow complainer, had also missed class (she was in “Oklahoma,” a better excuse) I thought we could catch up together.
So, instead of eating lunch at noon, we took remedial lessons. After sweating for a couple of weeks like Whitney Houston, I figured I could go back in. Well, let’s just say there was no way I was ready to be with the others. For starters, I can’t turn and dance at the same time. And, if Tracy has a “signature” move, a la Fosse, it’s turning. She has kids turning so much they’re like tops. If you’re old like me, the hips don’t always go where you want them.
Still, I pressed on. She thought I could do it and, then, Saturday came. God bless Mike, Bonnie, Jean, Laura, Cathy, Mike, Diane and Joanne (yup, even Joanne) for blindly agreeing to be on the same stage as me. I can only assume they figured if I was there, any one of them wouldn’t be the worst one on stage.
I was hoping someone would make an announcement beforehand: “Please remember, Bruce had two organs yanked and Joanne was in ‘Oklahoma.’” But, no such luck.
Still, I had the best costume. We were supposed to look like working people because we were doing a number from “Tap Dogs,” an Australian tap dance show featuring really rugged guys building a scaffold (you see?). I was dressed as a UPS man and, as Billy Crystal used to say, “I looked mahvelous.”
A costume, though, doesn’t dance for you. So we rehearsed. And rehearsed. And Laura told me the secret steps. And Jean coached me. Mike showed me. Diane clunked me on the head with a hammer and, still, I was the tap dog who should have been euthanized.
We got through it, though, without falling down. I felt OK. And then Hess, the king of dancers in Siouxland, told us he thought it went pretty good. “It sounded good,” he said, which I’m going to take as praise (yeah, sure) even though I know better.
Tonight, I put the tap shoes away. But I figure I’ll pull them out someday before fall.
I really want to learn that number.