Instead of watching wall-to-wall retrospectives of Michael Jackson’s life, I decided to channel surf this weekend and found “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.”
OMG.
Where have these ——- been? In a minute I got sucked into their overdone, over-processed world and couldn’t leave. I found them when Teresa, a raven-haired wife and mother (of three, I think), decided she was going to get new “Bubbies” (or, in our speak, boobs). She contemplated sizes, brought her husband Joe in on the consult and talked with the other wives about the pros and cons of silicone and saline. Danielle, however, stayed out of the picture because the other housewives were mad at her and were passing around a book that said she had done just about everything shown on reality TV. I stayed through the surgery episode, then kept watching through a dinner confrontation.
Begin and Sadat never had these kinds of talks.
Danielle called everyone out; Caroline professed her loyalty to Dina and Teresa TIPPED THE TABLE. There was so much drama in that one dinner I felt like they had taped my family reunion. Hooked, I had to see the post-mortem (spread over two weeks) and the episodes that came before. Luckily, Bravo repeats their shows like MTV played Michael Jackson videos, so I was able to catch up quite quickly.
What I learned:
1. They believe in family, not Family (as in Mafia).
2. Their husbands have lots of money but you don’t know the source.
3. Jacqueline needs to distance herself from everyone. Her daughter included.
4. Caroline is one tough mother. (And she’s probably the only one-faced one in the crowd.)
5. Danielle needs to move on, find new friends and let family be family.

The show is so juicy I can hardly wait for the next season. Meanwhile, I’m going to make do with the second season of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” (Which airs at the end of July.) I hear NeNe is one peach of a gal.

The cast of Broadway’s “Hair” offered up a touching tribute to Michael Jackson on “Good Morning America.”

Here’s the clip from YouTube:

Two in one day. It’s almost too much to process, particularly since both Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett were pop culture icons.

Farrah ruled the ’70s with her “Charlie’s Angels” image. Michael held the ’80s with “Thriller.” Both tried to reclaim glory with later projects. Both had their share of nutty behavior.

Still, time will be kind to both of them. Farrah will be remembered as a sex symbol (who lived down her reputation with some excellent post-”Angels” performances); Michael will join Elvis, Buddy Holly, Jim Morrison and others as a recording industry legend.

Oddly, she did a documentary to chronicle her final days. He was working furiously on a comeback tour. Both knew the glare of the spotlight. Both were burned by it.

In person, Farrah was never as ditsy as she seemed on television. She did seem fragile, however. She wasn’t the hardened star that tabloids painted her. (I interviewed her several times and never felt like I really “got” her. She was beautiful, yes. But that beauty was something of a crutch.)

Michael? I never saw him onstage or off. During the making of a Jacksons TV movie, there was a rumor that he would turn up at a press conference and actually talk about his life. Fat chance. Even his family members were guarded about Michael. That isolation, in fact, may have been the best and the worst parts of his celebrity. Best because it made him distant and special; worst because it kept him from the people who might have been able to save him from the infernal weirdness.

Now, both will be the subjects of plenty of essays, books and dissertations. Both will be examined by friends, family and strangers. Both will prompt stories we thought we’d never hear.

Today, though, we should remember them at their peak — he, the King of Pop; she, the ever-lovely poster queen.

May they both find the peace they’ve long deserved.

Bruce Miller previews “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” and “My Sister’s Keeper” in this week’s Movies in a Minute.

File this under dumb ideas: The Academy Awards folks will nominate 10 films for Best Picture next year. They say they decided to go back to their roots. What they didn’t include was the quality of films we see. Back in 1939 (when they did have 10 nominees), the landscape was filled with “Gone With the Wind,” “The Wizard of Oz,” “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,” and seven other notable pics.
Now, we’re lucky to find five films that even deserve to be nominated.
What’s behind it? Methinks the studios want to be able to put “Best Picture Nominee” on their advertising so they can sell more tickets and DVDs.
In recent years, the majors have been shut out of the top prize while independents have gone home happy.
Now, it’s clobberin’ time.
Can you see the swill that’ll make the cut? Oy.

Ed McMahon was the kind of guy you went to to learn about other people. He was a great “keeper of the flame.” Ask about Johnny Carson and he could fill dozens of notebooks with commentary. Ask about his contributions and he clammed up. On the three or four occasions that I interviewed him, he was always great at deflecting the attention to others. I’d ask about his life and he’d just say, “I’m the luckiest guy in the world. I get to sit on the same stage as Johnny Carson and watch him work.”
Still, McMahon’s talents can’t be underestimated. He solidified the role of sidekick, making it tough for folks like Regis Philbin, Andy Richter and Paul Shaffer to follow in his footsteps. He knew just when to laugh, just when to applaud, just when to shine.
Even though he had his own success (with “Star Search” and other shows), he was always known as Johnny’s right-hand man. Even when life didn’t deal him winning cards, he remained a sharp player.
And that’s how we’ll remember him — warm, supportive and self-effacing.
Ed McMahon? He was a stand-up guy who made everyone around him — Johnny included — just a little bit better.

I’m going to be cheering for a member of the Morningside College wrestling team next year…and I don’t even know his name.
Saturday afternoon I was on West Lake Okoboji when the engine in a friend’s boat started to heat. Fellow boaters came over and offered to help. (This, you see, is a good thing because I’m about as helpful as a second anchor.) They towed the boat to the friend’s house and made sure we were OK.
They didn’t, however, tell us their names or ask for anything in return.
We did find out, though, that one of the rescuers was a member of the Morningside College wrestling team. (He had a shirt that said as much.)
Anyone who has that kind of spirit — of generosity, of good will, of support — deserves cheers on the mat. He was definitely an example of what they call “champions of character.”
I’m grateful (particularly since I can’t swim and could have wound up as fish food) and determined to cheer him on.
So, unnamed-Morningside Mustang-wrestler, thank you so much…look for me next season. I’ll be the loud one yelling “Pin ‘em!” You’re the best.

I used to love watching “The View” whenever I was on vacation. The five hosts lobbed zingers better than the Williams sisters. Then they got into political territory and, last year, the show was like one big screaming match.

This week I took another look and, oh boy, it’s sad.

On Thursday’s show, Sherri Shepherd said Anne Hathaway (a guest) was going to do a buy-OP-ic about Judy Garland. Quickly, Joy Behar corrected her — “It’s BUY – o – pic” (as in “biopic,” a real tabloid term, meaning a biographical picture). Miffed, Shepherd kept repeating her mistake but Behar just sat like the cat who ate the you-know-what. Then, Joy asked Hathaway about working with Jake Gyllenhaal. She wondered if he was as weird as he was on the “Letterman” show. Wrong guy. That was Joaquin Phoenix.

Moving on? Lauren Conrad came on to push her book (her book?) and Joy berated her for her distant handshake. Both Sherri and Elisabeth Hasselbeck tried to make small talk, but LC (from “The Hills”) wasn’t interested. She turned a cold shoulder to Joy…and the others. Whoopi Goldberg, meanwhile, just looked off in the distance, trying to separate herself from the others.

Earlier, they talked about some stupid Calvin Klein billboard (days after Hoda and one of the “Real Housewives” had chewed on it on the 19th hour of the “Today” show) and waxing. They also gave a shout-out to Barbara Walters (the new Yoda) who happened to be sitting near Lindsay Lohan on a plane flight and Lindsay said Barbara was nice.

This is talk television?

It almost makes you wish Elisabeth would go back on her political rants.

“The View” is looking dimmer by the day.

Maybe it’s time for my vacation to end.

Bruce Miller previews comedies “The Proposal” and “Year One” in this week’s Movies in a Minute.

This was one of those “don’t say there isn’t enough to do” weekends in Siouxland.

I got to plenty o’ stuff and I still missed a bunch.

Friday night, Morningside College kicked off its summer performance seasons with Stephen Sondheim’s “Company.” The show was quite good and featured several cast members who did the show at Morningside 27 years ago. While watching it, I realized I had seen that exact production 27 years ago. (None of us has aged a bit, right?) And Betty Skewis-Arnett’s work as the cynical Joanne has only gotten better. The only downside? The show had to be moved into the Klinger-Neal theater because the weather was bad. Outdoors, though, some of the quieter moments might have gotten lost.

Saturday night I saw “Little Dog Laughed” at Shot in the Dark’s downtown theater. I had been wanting to see the show since it was on Broadway. It deals with the deceptive game many movie stars play and it features some pretty sweet lines about the industry. The cast did a fine job with the humor and even made a nude scene (yup, in Sioux City) seem natural. My favorite part? The set design. It featured bits and pieces of magazines, movie posters and Hollywood landmarks, cleverly commenting on the business. It’s a fascinating show…if you go, see if you can figure out who the author is referring to.

Then, sandwiched between the shows, I had the much-dreaded dance recital. The “adult tap” number went better than I thought, but that’s only because the other members were able to carry me, the lowest rung of the ladder.

I got a picture of them with Sam Irish, my dancing role model. There aren’t enough days in my life left to catch up with him. He’s a talented guy who should be encouraged to dance even more.

More options? “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” at Lamb. Leeds Days. Exhibits. Lectures. You name it.

And this week: Awesome Biker Nights. See what I mean? I’m tired already.