What do you do with a stolen 150-pound cement gorilla?

That’s the question someone, more likely multiple people, is facing after swiping the statue last weekend Roy and Lorraine Reisdorph’s front yard.

The Sioux City Police Department took a report on the theft, which happened between 10 p.m. Friday and 9 a.m. Saturday.

Sioux City Police Spokesman Lt. Mark Kirkpatrick said this type of yard ornament theft tends to be reported in streaks.

This might explain why the gorilla theft came on the heels of multiple “kidnappings” of several of Snow White’s dwarves from a Morningside address.

In that case, the owner thought the thieves left Snow White because she weighed much more than her stubby companions — tipping the scales at about 100 pounds.

Which is exactly why Roy Reisdorph thought the gorilla was safe.

“It must have been two people,” he theorized.

The Reisdorphs bought the gorilla years ago near McAllen, Texas, because it offered “something different” in the way of yard decoration.

Crouching down on all fours, it sported a new coat of paint this year while holding court in it’s normal spot between two deer statues.

Now the buck and doe stand alone.

This isn’t the first time someone has messed with the Reisdorph yard ornaments in the 30 years he and Lorraine have lived at the Correctionville Road residence.

The deer used to have a fawn, but somebody stole it. Rumor was somebody dumped it in the ditch not far from his house, but Roy didn’t know exactly where and never did find it.

Although the doe and buck haven’t been stolen, that’s probably because Roy anchored them into the ground after a few “incidents.”

“Somebody used to drive up there and they’d put the bumper of their cars against the deer and tip them over,” Roy said.

As for the gorilla, there’s no telling exactly where it is or what it’s up to these days.

Sort of like stealing a famous painting, it’s not the kind of thing you can easily show off without offering an explanation of where you got it.

Of course, whoever stole the Reisdorph gorilla might also consider just bringing the thing back.

It is the holiday season after all.

DAKOTA CITY, Neb. – A few prisoners at the Dakota County Jail were involved in fisticuffs last month, but officials believe the bout came from rather unusual origins.

According to court documents, a corrections deputy summoned a Dakota County sheriff’s deputy to the jail on Oct. 12 after two male prisoners got into a scuffle at the Dakota City facility.

The sheriff’s deputy wrote that a review of security footage showed one inmate sticking his butt toward another inmate, after which the two men began fighting.

When authorities interviewed inmates who witnessed the fight, they were told that the incident had gaseous beginnings.

According to court documents, the witnesses said the fight started because the first inmate “passed gas” on the second.

As a result, I believe both men involved were charged with one felony count of assaulting a confined person. It may not be a felony to fart in someone’s face in a Nebraska jail, but it is if you beat them up afterward.

The cops say he came from Wasilla.

Clay County (Iowa) authorities say an Alaskan man was injured this weekend while trying to help out at the scene of a crash involving a 91-year-old woman.

According to a sheriff’s press release, Joseph Beck, of Wasilla, Alaska, was driving in the area when he noticed an accident at the corner of M-50 and B-24 just east of Spencer, Iowa.

As many of you know, Wasilla is famous for being the home of former Republican vice presidential nominee, hockey mom and new author Sarah Palin. (Or, as Vanity Fair likes to say about Palin: “It Came From Wasilla.”)

Police say the accident happened about 4:45 p.m. Saturday when Lois Michelson, 91, of Spencer was turning left from M-50 onto B-24 when her Buick Century hit the side of a Chevrolet Cavalier driven by Jesse Clark, 23, of Spencer.

The impact sent Clark’s vehicle into the ditch.

Police say Beck, who was not involved in the accident, stopped to help.

Things really got interesting, police say, when Clark found out somebody called the cops — and promptly took off.

Beck allegedly saw him leaving, tried to get him to stop and was dragged across the intersection for his efforts.

According to police, Beck suffered a laceration to the back of his head when he fell.

The press release doesn’t say why Clark, likely not the cause of the accident, allegedly decided to flee but the fact one of the charges he faces is driving while license revoked speaks volumes.

The other charge is reckless driving.

Could this be some sneaky sort of media campaign for Palin’s new book, Going Rogue? You know, send out native Wasillans to do good deeds the week your book launches….

Maybe not, but Beck is the first Alaskan I’ve ever seen in a Northwest Iowa accident report.

Then again, if you’re brave you can try asking Palin yourself when she signs copies of her book Dec. 6 at Barnes & Noble in the Southern Hills Mall. As of now, it’s her only stop in Iowa.

Burglary charges have been dropped against two men who were arrested with black permanent marker scribbled all over their faces, but one of the men still faces accusations of drunk driving.

According to court documents, Matthew McNelly, 23, and Joey Miller, 20, were “wearing” the clever disguises when they were arrested Oct. 23 for allegedly trying to break into an apartment.

Carroll police booked both men for felony second-degree burglary, also charging McNelly with drunk driving, and took the mug shots that made headlines around the world.

The men were scheduled to be arraigned Friday, but the burglary charges were dismissed last week.

According to court documents, McNelly still faces a single misdemeanor charge of operating while intoxicated – first offense.

Deputies in Clay County, Iowa, made an important announcement Wednesday about an armed robbery someone reported on Sept. 17 on a rural road.

The announcement was, basically, that the guy made the whole thing up.

We at the Journal originally wrote about the alleged robbery a few days after it happened in September.

The alleged victim, Tommy Lynn Hartfield, gave a good amount of detail about the alleged robbery, police say, including that the man looked “scruffy,” the female robber was quite rotund, and that the couple were riding in a newer-model maroon or red Mitsubishi Eclipse.

It sounded really strange. Not that this can’t happen in Clay County. It could. But you don’t even hear about that sort of thing in a bigger area like Sioux City.

Apparently Clay County deputies were suspicious as well, because the release stated they began conducting “parallel investigations” with one focused on finding the bad guys and the other focused on whether there were any bad guys to find.

On Halloween, Hartfield went to the sheriff’s office to “review his case.” Police say that they, with help from a South Sioux City company, got him to admit he was lying.

The police statement doesn’t say it, but a little nosing around on-line makes me think someone from the South Sioux City company may have administered a polygraph.

And now, the sheriff’s department wants its money back.

According to the statement, if Hartfield is found guilty deputies will ask the court for restitution for the 40 hours they spent working on the case.

Which makes me wonder: How much does a polygraph cost?

The last Crime Watch post was about mug shots. This one proves that 911 calls can be just as entertaining.

A friend of mine heard this on Kool 99.5’s morning show. Mary Strey, of Granton, Wisc., called 911 to report she was driving drunk on Halloween.

Since I don’t know her blood-alcohol content, I’m not sure what Strey’s true motivation for calling herself in – but in the end nobody got hurt and she did the right thing.

You have to give her props for that.

While looking for this audio clip, I also found a second 911 clip of someone reporting themself as a drunk driver.

Oddly enough, it is another Wisconsin woman.

There are a lot of crazy people out there in this world, but a couple of guys from Carroll, Iowa, just moved straight to the top of the list.

Some people are calling them the “Sharpie Marker Bandits.”

The men, Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, are making headlines across the globe, but it’s probably for something they’re rather forget.

It isn’t their alleged crimes that made them famous. No, it’s their brilliant disguises that earned them headlines like “The Mark of Stupidity.”

They tried to black out their faces with permanent marker. Although there are many jokes to be made about this, I’ll just say they need to go back to art school.

Someone told me it looks like McNelly was trying to draw a cat mask. You can see the ears on his forehead if you look hard enough, but I think it looks more like Batman.

Trying to decipher what they drew is kind of like cloud watching.

Carroll Police Chief Jeff Cayler, who was interviewed this week by CNN, told me the whole thing started the night of Oct. 23 when officers were called to an attempted burglary at an apartment in Carroll.

Four people inside an apartment reported two men wearing black hooded sweatshirts with black faces were pounding on the door trying to get inside.

There may have been some yelling, he said, adding police believe the whole thing may have started over a girl.

The two suspects left the apartment without getting inside and, lucky for them, a police officer happened to be about three blocks away.

Although the McNelly and Miller weren’t accused of a horrendous crime, the person who called police said they may have been wearing holsters.

When police hear “holsters” they assume that means the suspects could be armed.

As a result, McNelly and Miller (who didn’t have holsters or weapons) were taken from their car at gunpoint.

McNelly was arrested on charges of operating while intoxicated – first offense and attempted second-degree burglary, both Class D felonies. Miller was arrested on a charge of attempted second-degree burglary.

Both men pleaded not guilty.

Cayler, who’s been with the department 28 years, says he’s never seen anything like this before, joking that the disguise was “foolproof and reusable.”

“That particular disguise is a new one for me,” he said.

McNelly and Miller’s amazing mug shots made headlines across the world. People have plenty to say about it, too. So far, one of my favorites can be found on the KCCI.com web site.

Several Sioux City residents have filed suit against the city in an attempt to keep their dogs, all declared vicious, from being euthanized.

This is new. Although people have owned dogs for as long as there’s been a Sioux City, those involved say they can’t remember anyone actually filing suit to save their dogs.

We asked the Siouxland District Health Department for dog-bite data in order to make sure this wasn’t due to an increase in the number of dog bites.

It wasn’t, but the data did have a few surprises.

In addition to tracking bites from typical suspects (dogs and cats), Siouxland District Health also lists other animals that bite.

Usually, this includes bats, squirrels, raccoons, gerbils, hamsters, rats, rabbits, and maybe a mouse or two.

Or a lemur.

That’s right, someone in Sioux City reported getting bit by a lemur.

I only know two things about lemurs. First, they are adorable. Two, they are from Madagascar – not Iowa.

Details are sketchy, but Siouxland District Health’s Chuck Cipperley said it happened this summer while at an exotic animal show.

“It was just a baby lemur,” Cipperley said. “I had to go to the internet to see what it looked like, too.”

A company from Nebraska was showing a baby lemur to spectators when the furry little creature hopped out of its handler’s arms.

“It just jumped down and they thought maybe it touched somebody’s hand,” Cipperley said.

Although the animal didn’t outright attack somebody, officials thought it would be best to quarantine the lemur just to be on the safe side.

It cleared the required 10-day quarantine without any problems and, presumably, went back to Nebraska without incident.

But not before going down in the record books as the first recorded lemur bite in Sioux City’s history.

It isn’t unusual for a fugitive to cross state lines to avoid police, but very few of them are brave enough to plunge into the Missouri River.

Especially if that fugitive is a wayward cow.

That’s what police say happened this afternoon when a young bovine led officers on a tri-state cow chase.

It started somewhere in Union County, South Dakota, when three cows escaped from their owner.

Two of them were caught (one was tranquilized) before they could skip out of the state, but Sioux City police said a younger animal could not be contained and made its way to the walking path on Sioux City’s riverfront.

Sioux City Police Sgt. Mike Post said officers took an observational role, watching while the owner/helpers tried to catch the animal.

It jumped into the Missouri River near the boat ramp by the Hilton Garden Inn – and somehow made it across to Nebraska.

“We did observe him get into the river and swim – without our assistance,” Post said. “He did it on his own.”

This may sound a little dramatic, but maybe the cow heard stories about what happens to naughty cows that run away from home in Sioux City.

I joke, but in all fairness to police, the Macho incident in Sioux City involved a full-grown bull in a residential neighborhood, whereas Thursday’s incident involved a half-grown calf running through the woods along the river.

Although it jumped into the river around mid-afternoon, South Sioux City police didn’t deal with the cow until about 8:30 p.m.

By that time, South Sioux City Police Sgt. Chris Chernock said the animal appeared injured in the “driver’s side, left rear.”

It became frightened and jumped back into the river before the owner or police could capture it, although Chernock didn’t think the animal’s second swim would be as successful as its first.

South Sioux City police lost sight of the animal when he was in the middle of the river. Chernock said the current was moving the animal in two directions – across and downstream — as it swam toward Iowa.

“He didn’t look like he was going to do too well,” he said.

Unable to help myself, I asked Chernock if he ever thought about calling in “the big guns” to deal with the cow.

Not for a second, he said.

“It’s been a while since anyone’s been hurt or injured in a one-cow stampede.”

ELK MOUND, Wis. — Wisconsin authorities say a South Sioux City man was injured this week in a head-on collision that killed a Wisconsin woman.

*According to a statement issued Wednesday by the Dunn Co. (Wis) Sheriff’s Office, Jennifer Annis, 33, of rural Mondovi, Wis., was driving north on Highway 40 and crossed into the path of a southbound vehicle driven by Donald Maul, 60, of South Sioux City.

The accident happened about 9:15 a.m. Wednesday in Elk Mound Township, which is in western Wisconsin about 70 miles from St. Paul, Minn.

Maul was taken to a hospital in Eau Claire with non life threatening injuries. Annis was pronounced dead at the scene.

Police are still investigating the accident.

*In the original blog post about this incident, Donald Maul was incorrectly identified as the one who pulled in front of the female driver.