Volunteer helps with healing a grieving heart
By Joanne Fox, Journal staff writer | Posted: Monday, June 18, 2007
Patti Smith of Correctionville, Iowa admitted that there was another sad part of the fetal demise of her seventh child in addition to the loss of life itself.
"How do you say goodbye?" she asked.
Smith had to face that dilemma two years ago when she found out the child she was carrying no longer had a heartbeat. Ean Patrick Henry Smith was delivered on May 23, 2005, a mere six and a half inches and four and a half ounces at 18 weeks gestation.
And while the hearts of Smith, her husband, Larry and their three children were breaking, healing would be provided through other hearts; specifically, the HEARTS program at St. Luke's Regional Medical Center.
HEARTS is an acronym for Helping Empty Arms Recovery Through Sharing. The program began in 1989 at St. Luke's through the request of a bereaved parent and the support of hospital staff. A parental support group developed and has since grown to a hospital-based program.
For families grieving the death or the anticipated death of a child through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth or infant death, HEARTS provides support, guidance and grief education. The program also provides support for those experiencing a subsequent pregnancy after the loss of a baby.
"The death of an infant affects each parent differently, so it can be very helpful for parents to connect with others who have experienced a similar loss," said Benita Triplett, coordinator of St. Luke's HEARTS program. "The program provides immediate support when a diagnosis is made, support during the weeks and months that follow through individual phone contact and monthly parent support group meetings, as well as a library of resources."
The Smiths attended their first support group meeting the month after losing Ean.
"What struck me was when I walked in the door, it felt like family," she said. "I could express my emotions or even just sit and cry."
Smith felt particularly grateful that no one was judging the way she was processing her grief.
"I was able to let my feelings and thoughts out and sometimes I thought some of them were pretty whacko," she said with a slight grin. "What I discovered was what I was feeling, others were too and so I didn't feel so alone."
Smith volunteered to serve as a HEARTS contact person based on her positive experience.
"I wanted to reach out and help others," she explained. "In my heart, I felt I needed to be part of the program."
Smith had previously lost three children at earlier stages in her pregnancy. What was a bit different with the loss of Ean was the depression she experienced.
"I explain it by saying the day I went into the hospital, the trees were green," she said. "When I came home, they all looked gray."
Offering some comfort for Smith was the memory of holding her small son, something she couldn't do with the others, and photos of the perfectly-formed baby.
Other HEARTS volunteers create layettes and memory boxes painted by the Country Crossroads Chapter of Decorative Painters. The box may include the child's birth and death certificate, a Teddy Bear, wrist band, footprints, bonnet, gown and a blue or pink blanket with a tag that indicates the HEARTS volunteer who made the blanket.
Smith put some of those into a scrapbook that detailed Ean's short time on earth. Pages are filled with the mementos, photos, poetry and insights, such as "God planned you. We only dreamed of you."
"Everybody handles the loss in a different way," Smith said. "Some have a gravesite they can decorate; some have a picture on their wall. I heard of one woman who had the baby's footprints crafted into hanging on a necklace."
A poignant moment of the time Smith spent with Ean was when the nurse came in and asked if she could help with anything.
"I said, 'Tell me, how do I say goodbye?,'" she said. "I had him from 8:05 in the morning until 4 o'clock and I didn't know how I could let him go."
Thanks to the support of those in the HEARTS program and her own involvement, time has eased some of the despair, Smith said, as well as a sadness when around pregnant women.
"Now I'm happy for them," she said. "In fact, just recently a member of the support group who had suffered a loss last year just had her baby. I came up to the hospital and got to hold the baby. It was great."
VITA
Name: Patti Smith
Hometown: Mapleton, Iowa; moved to Correctionville in November 2006
Education: 1982 graduate of Mapleton High School; attended Western Iowa Tech Community College studying micro-processing
Professional: home-schools her children
Personal: married to husband Larry since 1989; three children: Ethan, Emma and Eli and four who have wings, she explains, including Jordan, Ellie, Sophie Angel Grace and Ean Patrick Henry
How she's making a difference: by volunteering with St. Luke's HEARTS program
Support group
The HEARTS support group meets at 7:30 p.m., the third Thursday of each month at St. Luke's College, 2616 Pierce St. For more information on the HEARTS program, call Triplett at 279-7901 or log on to St. Luke's Website at www.stlukes.org.
"How do you say goodbye?" she asked.
Smith had to face that dilemma two years ago when she found out the child she was carrying no longer had a heartbeat. Ean Patrick Henry Smith was delivered on May 23, 2005, a mere six and a half inches and four and a half ounces at 18 weeks gestation.
And while the hearts of Smith, her husband, Larry and their three children were breaking, healing would be provided through other hearts; specifically, the HEARTS program at St. Luke's Regional Medical Center.
HEARTS is an acronym for Helping Empty Arms Recovery Through Sharing. The program began in 1989 at St. Luke's through the request of a bereaved parent and the support of hospital staff. A parental support group developed and has since grown to a hospital-based program.
For families grieving the death or the anticipated death of a child through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth or infant death, HEARTS provides support, guidance and grief education. The program also provides support for those experiencing a subsequent pregnancy after the loss of a baby.
"The death of an infant affects each parent differently, so it can be very helpful for parents to connect with others who have experienced a similar loss," said Benita Triplett, coordinator of St. Luke's HEARTS program. "The program provides immediate support when a diagnosis is made, support during the weeks and months that follow through individual phone contact and monthly parent support group meetings, as well as a library of resources."
The Smiths attended their first support group meeting the month after losing Ean.
"What struck me was when I walked in the door, it felt like family," she said. "I could express my emotions or even just sit and cry."
Smith felt particularly grateful that no one was judging the way she was processing her grief.
"I was able to let my feelings and thoughts out and sometimes I thought some of them were pretty whacko," she said with a slight grin. "What I discovered was what I was feeling, others were too and so I didn't feel so alone."
Smith volunteered to serve as a HEARTS contact person based on her positive experience.
"I wanted to reach out and help others," she explained. "In my heart, I felt I needed to be part of the program."
Smith had previously lost three children at earlier stages in her pregnancy. What was a bit different with the loss of Ean was the depression she experienced.
"I explain it by saying the day I went into the hospital, the trees were green," she said. "When I came home, they all looked gray."
Offering some comfort for Smith was the memory of holding her small son, something she couldn't do with the others, and photos of the perfectly-formed baby.
Other HEARTS volunteers create layettes and memory boxes painted by the Country Crossroads Chapter of Decorative Painters. The box may include the child's birth and death certificate, a Teddy Bear, wrist band, footprints, bonnet, gown and a blue or pink blanket with a tag that indicates the HEARTS volunteer who made the blanket.
Smith put some of those into a scrapbook that detailed Ean's short time on earth. Pages are filled with the mementos, photos, poetry and insights, such as "God planned you. We only dreamed of you."
"Everybody handles the loss in a different way," Smith said. "Some have a gravesite they can decorate; some have a picture on their wall. I heard of one woman who had the baby's footprints crafted into hanging on a necklace."
A poignant moment of the time Smith spent with Ean was when the nurse came in and asked if she could help with anything.
"I said, 'Tell me, how do I say goodbye?,'" she said. "I had him from 8:05 in the morning until 4 o'clock and I didn't know how I could let him go."
Thanks to the support of those in the HEARTS program and her own involvement, time has eased some of the despair, Smith said, as well as a sadness when around pregnant women.
"Now I'm happy for them," she said. "In fact, just recently a member of the support group who had suffered a loss last year just had her baby. I came up to the hospital and got to hold the baby. It was great."
VITA
Name: Patti Smith
Hometown: Mapleton, Iowa; moved to Correctionville in November 2006
Education: 1982 graduate of Mapleton High School; attended Western Iowa Tech Community College studying micro-processing
Professional: home-schools her children
Personal: married to husband Larry since 1989; three children: Ethan, Emma and Eli and four who have wings, she explains, including Jordan, Ellie, Sophie Angel Grace and Ean Patrick Henry
How she's making a difference: by volunteering with St. Luke's HEARTS program
Support group
The HEARTS support group meets at 7:30 p.m., the third Thursday of each month at St. Luke's College, 2616 Pierce St. For more information on the HEARTS program, call Triplett at 279-7901 or log on to St. Luke's Website at www.stlukes.org.
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