Claeys: A columnist's guide to living in China
By Jesse Claeys Journal staff writer | Posted: Friday, August 08, 2008
For a few months in 1998 I was considered wealthy, tall and exotic.
Yep, I was living in China.
Americans bound for Beijing for the 2008 Olympics are in for jarring, gut-wrenching twists and turns.
That's just the cab ride from the airport.
To aid U.S. travelers with their Olympic adventure and to give sports fans an idea of the cultural differences our athletes will encounter, I've compiled this guide to living in China:
-- Condition your thighs. It wasn't until I entered a restroom stall that I realized there is such a thing as a "western" toilet. Prevalent in China are "eastern" toilets, basically porcelain holes in the ground that require users to squat above while they conduct their business. Apparently while the Chinese were busy inventing gun power and fireworks, they forgot to focus on plumbing. (P.S., toilet paper, considered a given in any bathroom over here, is rarely provided.)
-- Rent a really big car. Driving in China is a harrowing experience. The roads are crowded and painted lines marking lanes seem to have very little control over which routes automobiles actually take. Traveling by car is where you quickly learn the bigger the vehicle, the more others have to get out of your way. (On a side note, Chinese government officials have attempted to improve Beijing's polluted air by limiting the number of cars on the road each day. This should concern us because it very well may threaten our supply of Wii controllers.)
-- Hot water is a privilege. Aside from hotels catering to foreigners, most Chinese facilities do not waste hot water on showers. The warm stuff is for making tea. At the Institute of Foreign Languages in Dalian, China, hot showers were available for one or two hours each day. Be prepared to share said hot shower. Most days four or five guys alternated under one hot stream. That's cultural immersion.
-- Forget deodorant. Ride a train once in China and you'll know any products relating to personal odor control are not a must-buy in this ancient land. Makes one wonder if only first world countries spend so much time and money worrying about smelling like arctic force or satin pear. Pleasant smells may very well be the yardstick by which modern societies are measured.
-- Do not step in any mysterious sidewalk liquids. Seeing a man neatly dressed in a business suit peeing on the side of a building is not uncommon. Nor is seeing people "farmer blow" thier nose onto the ground. Dry is good when walking down narrow Beijing streets.
-- The food is exotic. Ever seen squid on a stick? Then you haven't walked down an alley in Beijing. In the land known for its duck, Beijing also boasts nearly every kind of meat a person could want to consume, including some cuts no one around here would feed to their, well, dog. Have no fear, though, American travelers. Col. Saunders and Ronald McDonald have landed near the Great Wall.
-- Everyone does in fact know martial arts, sort of. Tai Chi, a Chinese form of exercise, is built on various karate-like postures, ones intended to enhance movement and balance your "life force." It can also be seen in nearly every public park at all hours. Think Ralph Macchio's crane kick in "The Karate Kid" for an idea of what it looks like. In short, do not start a bar fight in China.
-- Have a native speaker write everything down. I'm talking about everything, but most importantly the address of your hotel or other frequent destinations. Cab drivers, much like in New York City, will probably not speak English. It's good to have destinations scribbled down on a piece of paper by someone familiar with China's confusing and complex writing system. Leave this task to a trusted local. You don't want to be the butt of prank, passing a cabbie a card reading "I want to violate Mao's corpse."
This tips should make traveling in China easier and make those watching the Olympics spectacle more appreciative of the challenges facing foreign athletes. Now, hoist up a cold Tsingtao and enjoy the shuttlecock dominance of China's Lin Dan.
Yep, I was living in China.
Americans bound for Beijing for the 2008 Olympics are in for jarring, gut-wrenching twists and turns.
That's just the cab ride from the airport.
To aid U.S. travelers with their Olympic adventure and to give sports fans an idea of the cultural differences our athletes will encounter, I've compiled this guide to living in China:
-- Condition your thighs. It wasn't until I entered a restroom stall that I realized there is such a thing as a "western" toilet. Prevalent in China are "eastern" toilets, basically porcelain holes in the ground that require users to squat above while they conduct their business. Apparently while the Chinese were busy inventing gun power and fireworks, they forgot to focus on plumbing. (P.S., toilet paper, considered a given in any bathroom over here, is rarely provided.)
-- Rent a really big car. Driving in China is a harrowing experience. The roads are crowded and painted lines marking lanes seem to have very little control over which routes automobiles actually take. Traveling by car is where you quickly learn the bigger the vehicle, the more others have to get out of your way. (On a side note, Chinese government officials have attempted to improve Beijing's polluted air by limiting the number of cars on the road each day. This should concern us because it very well may threaten our supply of Wii controllers.)
-- Hot water is a privilege. Aside from hotels catering to foreigners, most Chinese facilities do not waste hot water on showers. The warm stuff is for making tea. At the Institute of Foreign Languages in Dalian, China, hot showers were available for one or two hours each day. Be prepared to share said hot shower. Most days four or five guys alternated under one hot stream. That's cultural immersion.
-- Forget deodorant. Ride a train once in China and you'll know any products relating to personal odor control are not a must-buy in this ancient land. Makes one wonder if only first world countries spend so much time and money worrying about smelling like arctic force or satin pear. Pleasant smells may very well be the yardstick by which modern societies are measured.
-- Do not step in any mysterious sidewalk liquids. Seeing a man neatly dressed in a business suit peeing on the side of a building is not uncommon. Nor is seeing people "farmer blow" thier nose onto the ground. Dry is good when walking down narrow Beijing streets.
-- The food is exotic. Ever seen squid on a stick? Then you haven't walked down an alley in Beijing. In the land known for its duck, Beijing also boasts nearly every kind of meat a person could want to consume, including some cuts no one around here would feed to their, well, dog. Have no fear, though, American travelers. Col. Saunders and Ronald McDonald have landed near the Great Wall.
-- Everyone does in fact know martial arts, sort of. Tai Chi, a Chinese form of exercise, is built on various karate-like postures, ones intended to enhance movement and balance your "life force." It can also be seen in nearly every public park at all hours. Think Ralph Macchio's crane kick in "The Karate Kid" for an idea of what it looks like. In short, do not start a bar fight in China.
-- Have a native speaker write everything down. I'm talking about everything, but most importantly the address of your hotel or other frequent destinations. Cab drivers, much like in New York City, will probably not speak English. It's good to have destinations scribbled down on a piece of paper by someone familiar with China's confusing and complex writing system. Leave this task to a trusted local. You don't want to be the butt of prank, passing a cabbie a card reading "I want to violate Mao's corpse."
This tips should make traveling in China easier and make those watching the Olympics spectacle more appreciative of the challenges facing foreign athletes. Now, hoist up a cold Tsingtao and enjoy the shuttlecock dominance of China's Lin Dan.
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