Premeditation separates inept driving from the merely dumb
Posted: Sunday, November 23, 2008
There are many good drivers in Sioux City, but the ones that aren’t are so spectacularly inept their misdeeds take your breath away.
And I think I know why.
We've all done dumb things in a car. We've all slid through a red light, almost pulled out in front of an oncoming car, failed to exercise perfect care. These are accidents, slips of the mind. What separates Sioux City drivers is the premeditation. They don't simply do something dumb; they sit and think about it first and then proceed.
There is a Kum & Go on Lakeport Street just south of Morningside Avenue. There’s a driveway off Lakeport but if you’re headed north on Lakeport, you can’t get to it. There’s a median blocking the path. The only way for northbound traffic to get into that driveway is to turn left, then turn right into the face of two lanes of oncoming traffic and then swing a sharp left into the Kum & Go. You’d have to be stupid or crazy to try such a maneuver.
A few weeks ago, the guy in front of me did it, causing a car and one of those two-bedroom megapickups to slow down. At least three lives in danger because some guy is so crazed for a Slim Jim and a pack of smokes he can’t go around the block.
What makes this guy a real Sioux Cidiot is that he had the foresight to use his turn signal but not the mental acuity to realize risking a head-on collision was a bad idea. You need three signals in Sioux City n left turn, right turn and stupid.
The reason behind this driving behavior goes back before drivers education classes. After spending some time in parking lots, I have come to the conclusion that the reason some Sioux Cityans don’t know how to drive is that they never learn how to walk.
Think about this for a second:
A car weighs roughly a ton. It moves about 30 mph in residential areas.
Newton says force equals mass times velocity, so that's 30 x 2000, converting to ergs per square centimeter, carry the 3, carry that weight, carry on my wayward son and it's going to do to a human rib cage what a buffalo can do to a water balloon.
Cars and buffalo are dangerous. Most people know that the way to avoid buffalo impacts is not to jump the fence and try to ride their children.
Cars are limited to paths called roads, streets, and in parking lots, lanes. Therefore, it’s equally easy to stay out of a car’s way. You just don’t walk where cars go. Do Sioux Cityans remember that simple rule? Of course not.
They will walk out from between two parked vans after looking both directions n up and down. When they spot a car barreling down on them, they act surprised.
In a parking lot, they stride directly into the center of the lane and stroll nonchalantly the half-mile to the store pausing no more than three times to adjust the blanket on the stroller while traffic backs up behind them.
They’ll start to cross a busy street on a run. Then they’ll make eye contact with you, the driver, and suddenly assured you’re not going to hit them, slow down to a leisurely amble.
Kids learn by example that Darwin doesn’t apply to pedestrians. When they get behind the wheel, they take that attitude with them. The one thing Sioux City pedestrians should always remember is that the guy in the car they’re depending on to stop is a Sioux City driver.
Just be thankful they don’t know how to ride a buffalo.
And I think I know why.
We've all done dumb things in a car. We've all slid through a red light, almost pulled out in front of an oncoming car, failed to exercise perfect care. These are accidents, slips of the mind. What separates Sioux City drivers is the premeditation. They don't simply do something dumb; they sit and think about it first and then proceed.
There is a Kum & Go on Lakeport Street just south of Morningside Avenue. There’s a driveway off Lakeport but if you’re headed north on Lakeport, you can’t get to it. There’s a median blocking the path. The only way for northbound traffic to get into that driveway is to turn left, then turn right into the face of two lanes of oncoming traffic and then swing a sharp left into the Kum & Go. You’d have to be stupid or crazy to try such a maneuver.
A few weeks ago, the guy in front of me did it, causing a car and one of those two-bedroom megapickups to slow down. At least three lives in danger because some guy is so crazed for a Slim Jim and a pack of smokes he can’t go around the block.
What makes this guy a real Sioux Cidiot is that he had the foresight to use his turn signal but not the mental acuity to realize risking a head-on collision was a bad idea. You need three signals in Sioux City n left turn, right turn and stupid.
The reason behind this driving behavior goes back before drivers education classes. After spending some time in parking lots, I have come to the conclusion that the reason some Sioux Cityans don’t know how to drive is that they never learn how to walk.
Think about this for a second:
A car weighs roughly a ton. It moves about 30 mph in residential areas.
Newton says force equals mass times velocity, so that's 30 x 2000, converting to ergs per square centimeter, carry the 3, carry that weight, carry on my wayward son and it's going to do to a human rib cage what a buffalo can do to a water balloon.
Cars and buffalo are dangerous. Most people know that the way to avoid buffalo impacts is not to jump the fence and try to ride their children.
Cars are limited to paths called roads, streets, and in parking lots, lanes. Therefore, it’s equally easy to stay out of a car’s way. You just don’t walk where cars go. Do Sioux Cityans remember that simple rule? Of course not.
They will walk out from between two parked vans after looking both directions n up and down. When they spot a car barreling down on them, they act surprised.
In a parking lot, they stride directly into the center of the lane and stroll nonchalantly the half-mile to the store pausing no more than three times to adjust the blanket on the stroller while traffic backs up behind them.
They’ll start to cross a busy street on a run. Then they’ll make eye contact with you, the driver, and suddenly assured you’re not going to hit them, slow down to a leisurely amble.
Kids learn by example that Darwin doesn’t apply to pedestrians. When they get behind the wheel, they take that attitude with them. The one thing Sioux City pedestrians should always remember is that the guy in the car they’re depending on to stop is a Sioux City driver.
Just be thankful they don’t know how to ride a buffalo.
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