If you're a fan of the "Twilight Saga," please tell me the books are better than the movies.

The latest installment, "New Moon," is such a hodgepodge of bad special effects and long, deadly stretches it couldn't possibly merit the devotion that has followed Stephenie Meyer's novels.

Turning her back on high school (what, there aren't truant officers in her sleepy little Pacific Northwest town?), Bella (Kristen Stewart) mopes around once her beloved Edward (Robert Pattinson) leaves the area "to protect her."

Months pass and, then, she picks up with old friend Jake (Taylor Lautner). He has buffed up to football player dimensions (we know this because he rarely wears a shirt) and has the goods to pull her out of her funk. They have something of a relationship, then he drops a bombshell just like Edward's -- nope, he's not a vampire, he's a werewolf. Like Edward, he's conflicted but also determined to keep the, um, wolves at bay.

Edward, meanwhile, is off brooding somewhere because he doesn't want to cause his One True Love any more trouble.

Director Chris Weitz hammers home the "Romeo and Juliet" parallels (turning Bella's second floor bedroom window into Juliet's aerie) and relies heavily on reader loyalty to see him through some pretty patchy spots. When Jake turns into a werewolf, the effects are so simple they look like some kids created them on their Macs. When Edward shows up in Bella's dreams, he's hardly as mesmerizing as the ghosts in a high school production of "A Christmas Carol."

The supporting characters aren't much, either. Although Dakota Fanning was touted as one of the big additions to the series, she's practically an extra, not a character. Similarly, Michael Sheen has to make the most of his five minutes on the screen.

The bulk of the movie? It's spent mulling whether Bella should let Edward bite her so she can become immortal, too.

Considering she doesn't have many non-vampire, non-werewolf friends, it seems like a no-brainer.

"New Moon's" best moments come when Weitz pokes fun at the film's conceits. (Note Jake's posse wolfing down the huge muffins.)

Stewart is much too serious for her own good; Pattinson does the best he can and Ashley Greene is great as Edward's sister.

That leaves Lautner to steal the film and, darn, if he doesn't. Almost cut from this installment (producers didn't think he could handle the role's demands), he hired a personal trainer and bulked up. The weight-lifting worked. More important? He must have talked to an acting coach, too. He makes us believe he's a guy with hair issues. He's a fine young actor who could easily step into Matt Damon's shoes.

Still, Weitz isn't about to turn this into another "Wolverine." He harps on the Bella/Edward themes and comes away with a sequel that cries for resolution.

Considering "Twilight" is practically a license to print money, its producers should throw a little more to the special effects guys. This could have been an open invitation for those who aren't already in the fold. Instead, it's not a paper moon, not a new one.